I was going through my kids' candy last night, and I came across some interesting stuff. Some of the things I found reminded me of my own childhood experience with my 5 brothers, and our thoughts on certain "treats" we would get from the folks in our neighborhood. There were "Rules" that were followed, which basically ranked the neighbors on 'treat giving coolness factor'. First off, when I was a kid, if you gave out "dental paraphernalia", such as toothbrushes, toothpaste, dental floss, or those creepy little pink pills that told you where you still had plaque left on your teeth after brushing, that was instant grounds for being toilet papered...along with a healthy dose of the toothpaste you gave out and some shaving cream thrown in for good measure. If you gave out something edible, yet natural...such as a granola bar, an apple, or plain old popcorn...you should expect to be asked the question "so...how many rolls of Charmin should I put you down for?". Sugar free gum was a crap shoot. It was technically gum...but the sugar free part put it squarely in toilet paper territory...so really your fate rested with your behavior in the neighborhood the rest of the year. If you were kind of a douchebag, be prepared to be visited by the Toilet Paper Fairies.
However, last night, as I was going through the nearly 40 lbs of candy my kids brought home from their Halloween night foray, I could see the plus side of giving out dental implements and healthier foods. I mean, after they eat all this candy, they are seriously going to have some cavities....and maybe even a good ol' sugar coma. Maybe next year I'll pass out little vials of insulin and syringes.
You know...on second thought, I don't think so. I can see that kid across the street working out the precise number of Charmin "Ultra Strong" double rolls needed to do justice to our yard. And, I'm also betting that my own kids would gladly join in on the "Toilet Paper Justice", just on principle. And...I kind of wouldn't blame them.
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